英語(yǔ)笑話幽默

英語(yǔ)笑話幽默

　　下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語(yǔ)笑話幽默，希望對(duì)大家有幫助。

　　英語(yǔ)笑話幽默：我妹妹的手指頭

　　Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time?

　　Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.

　　Teacher: I don't see any bandages.

　　Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.

　　老師：凱溫，這次你怎么又遲到了?

　　凱溫：對(duì)不起，老師，我在家釘釘子，砸壞了兩個(gè)手指頭。

　　老師：怎么沒(méi)有扎繃帶呀?

　　凱溫：噢，砸的不是我的手指頭，我叫小妹妹扶著釘子的。

　　英語(yǔ)笑話幽默：新西蘭的氣候

　　The Climate of New Zealand

　　Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?

　　Matthew: Very Cold, sir.

　　Teacher: Wrong.

　　Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!

　　老師：馬修，新西蘭的氣候怎么樣?

　　馬修：先生，那里的天氣很冷。

　　老師：錯(cuò)了。

　　馬修：可是，先生!從那兒運(yùn)來(lái)的豬肉都凍得硬邦邦的。

　　英語(yǔ)笑話幽默：Good news or Bad news?

　　An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display.

　　"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.

　　"Give me the good news first," the artist demanded.

　　"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

　　"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could the bad news possibly be?"

　　With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The gentleman in question was your doctor."

　　以為藝術(shù)家在一個(gè)畫(huà)廊辦了個(gè)展覽，他問(wèn)店主是否有人對(duì)他參展的畫(huà)感興趣。

　　“我有一個(gè)好消息和一個(gè)壞消息。”店主回答。

　　“先告訴我好消息。”畫(huà)家要求道。

　　“好消息是一位紳士詢問(wèn)了你的作品，還問(wèn)它是否會(huì)在你死后增。我告訴他會(huì)的，然后他買下了你所有的15幅畫(huà)作。”

　　“那太棒了!”畫(huà)家驚嘆。“那么什么會(huì)是壞消息呢?”

　　店主想了想之后說(shuō)：“問(wèn)那個(gè)問(wèn)題的是你的醫(yī)生”。

　　英語(yǔ)笑話幽默：I don't think I know

　　Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"

　　John: "What do you think it is, sir?"

　　Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"

　　John: "I don't think I know either, sir!"

　　老師：“John，動(dòng)詞ring的過(guò)去分詞是什么?”。

　　約翰：“你想它是什么呢”?

　　老師：“我不用想，我知道!”。

　　約翰：“我想我不知道”。

　　英語(yǔ)笑話幽默：A Girl's Name 女孩的名字

　　When our daughter was born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late(已故的) father, despite family warning that the name was too masculine(男性的) .

　　Years later, when I felt she was old enough to understand, I explained to Myles, Your name is very special. I named you after my own father because I loved him very much. I know he would be proud of you.

　　Myles thought carefully about this and then said, I know all that, Mom. But I don't understand why my grandfather had a girl's name.

　　女兒出生時(shí)，我們給她取名叫邁爾斯，和我深愛(ài)的業(yè)已過(guò)世的父親同一個(gè)名字，不過(guò)家人提醒這個(gè)名字太男性化了。

　　幾年以后，我覺(jué)得邁爾斯已經(jīng)長(zhǎng)大，能夠懂事了。我對(duì)她解釋說(shuō)：你的名字很特別。我給你取了一個(gè)和我爸爸一樣的名字，因?yàn)槲曳浅?ài)他。我相信他會(huì)為你而深感自豪的。

　　邁爾斯很仔細(xì)地想了一下，然后說(shuō)道：這些我都懂，媽媽?？墒俏也恢劳夤珵槭裁磿?huì)有一個(gè)女孩子的名字。

　　英語(yǔ)笑話幽默：電腦問(wèn)題

　　I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges，delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of yellow paper?"

　　我在惠普公司打印機(jī)部做技術(shù)支持工作已經(jīng)有一個(gè)月了，有一天我接到一位客戶的電話，她的問(wèn)題我沒(méi)辦法解決。她的問(wèn)題是：打印機(jī)不能打出來(lái)黃色，但是其它顏色都正常。這讓我覺(jué)得很納悶，因?yàn)槿褪撬{(lán)、紅、黃。我建議客戶更換墨盒、刪了驅(qū)動(dòng)程序然后重新安裝，但是都沒(méi)有效果。我咨詢同事們，他們也不知道該怎么辦。經(jīng)過(guò)兩個(gè)多小時(shí)的交涉，我打算讓客戶把打印機(jī)寄給我們，這時(shí)候她平靜地說(shuō)了一句：“我是不是應(yīng)該把這張黃紙扔了換一張白紙?jiān)俅蛴≡囋嚒?rdquo;

　　英語(yǔ)笑話幽默：精神病醫(yī)生

　　Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for ." "Is that so! How?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!"

　　杰瑞去看精神病醫(yī)生。“醫(yī)生，我有些不對(duì)勁。每次睡覺(jué)的時(shí)候，我都感覺(jué)有人在床下。我要瘋了!”“給我一年時(shí)間，”醫(yī)生說(shuō)，“每周來(lái)三次，我會(huì)治好你。”“費(fèi)用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我會(huì)認(rèn)真考慮的。”杰瑞答道。六個(gè)月后醫(yī)生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“為什么你再也沒(méi)來(lái)呢?”醫(yī)生問(wèn)。“一次一百塊錢嗎?有個(gè)酒吧服務(wù)生收了十塊錢就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎么做到的?”“他讓我把床腿鋸掉。現(xiàn)在那沒(méi)人了!”

　　英語(yǔ)笑話幽默：死后重生

　　"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.

　　“你相信人能死后重生嗎?”老板問(wèn)他的一個(gè)員工。 “我相信，先生”。這位剛上班不久的員工回答。 “哦，那還好”。老板接著說(shuō)。 “你昨天提早下班去參加你祖母的葬禮后，她老人家到這兒看你來(lái)了。”

　　英語(yǔ)笑話幽默：他什么都沒(méi)聽(tīng)到

　　Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."

　　我在郵局上班，對(duì)于顧客們的各種情緒早已習(xí)以為常了。所以，有一天當(dāng)一個(gè)生氣的顧客氣沖沖地來(lái)到我的工作臺(tái)時(shí)，我還是非常平靜地問(wèn)她，“有什么問(wèn)題嗎?”“我早上上街了，”女顧客說(shuō)，“我回到家的時(shí)候，我看到一個(gè)卡片，卡片說(shuō)郵遞員要給我們家送包裹，但沒(méi)人在家?？墒俏业恼煞蛘麄€(gè)早上都在家啊。他說(shuō)他什么都沒(méi)聽(tīng)到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹給了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顧客喜形于色。“我們等這東西都等多少年了!”“是什么好東西?”我問(wèn)。“我丈夫的新助聽(tīng)器”。

　　英語(yǔ)笑話幽默：有效

　　Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

　　湯姆早上老起不來(lái)，所以上班總是遲到。他的老板非常生氣，警告他如果他不能有所改善的話就炒他的魷魚(yú)。于是，湯姆去看醫(yī)生，醫(yī)生給了他一顆藥丸并告訴他要在睡覺(jué)前服下這顆藥。湯姆照醫(yī)生的話做了，睡得非常之好，事實(shí)上，他在早上鬧鐘響之前就起來(lái)了。湯姆從容不迫地吃完早餐，然后興高采烈地開(kāi)車上班去了。 “老板”，湯姆說(shuō)，“那藥真管用，我的睡眠好極了!” “是夠管用的，”老板說(shuō)，“問(wèn)題是，昨天你人哪去了”?

　　英語(yǔ)笑話幽默：兩個(gè)笨賊

　　Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13 th floor!" The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious!"

　　兩個(gè)盜賊在一家旅館偷東西。第一個(gè)說(shuō)：“我聽(tīng)到警報(bào)響了，快跳吧!” 第二個(gè)說(shuō)：“但是我們現(xiàn)在在第13層啊!” 第一個(gè)尖叫著回敬他：“都什么時(shí)候了，還這么迷信!”

　　英語(yǔ)笑話幽默：結(jié)婚的花費(fèi)

　　A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

　　小男孩問(wèn)他的父親：“爸爸，結(jié)婚要花多少錢?”

　　His father replied, "I don't know, son, because I'm still paying for it now."

　　他的父親回答說(shuō)：“兒子，我不知道，因?yàn)槲椰F(xiàn)在還在為它付賬呢。”