關(guān)于較長的英語笑話欣賞

時(shí)間：2016-12-26 09:24:48 韋彥867由分享

　　笑話是一種藝術(shù)方法，用這種方法造成以笑為藝術(shù)手段的文學(xué)藝術(shù)作品。小編精心收集了關(guān)于較長的英語笑話，供大家欣賞學(xué)習(xí)!

　　關(guān)于較長的英語笑話：新病毒

　　This just in : NEW VIRUS WARNING

　　If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous Email virus yet.

　　It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles . It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.

　　It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over.

　　It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.

　　Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

　　It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.

　　Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will wantonly remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

　　這是一個(gè)：電腦新病毒的警告

　　如果你收到一封主題是“ 倒霉透了”的郵件時(shí)，立即刪除千萬不要閱讀。這是迄今最為危險(xiǎn)的郵件病毒。

　　它會(huì)重寫你的硬盤，不止這些，還會(huì)損壞任何離你電腦很近的磁碟。重置你冰箱的制冷度數(shù)讓好吃的冰淇淋全部化掉，牛奶也餿掉。它還會(huì)讓你的所有信用卡磁條失效，更改你在自動(dòng)提款機(jī)上取錢的密碼，你錄像機(jī)上的影像資料也會(huì)變得亂七八糟，它還利用子空間場諧波刮壞任何你想聽的CD。

　　它還會(huì)把你的新電話號碼告訴你的舊情人，把防凍劑注入到你的魚缸里，它將喝光你所有的啤酒，然后，當(dāng)有人上門的時(shí)候，將它的臭襪子留在茶幾上。

　　當(dāng)你遲到的時(shí)候它會(huì)藏起你的車鑰匙，還會(huì)干擾你車內(nèi)的音響系統(tǒng)，好讓你在塞車的時(shí)候欣賞沙沙的靜電聲。

　　“倒霉透了”還會(huì)把你的洗發(fā)水換成脫毛膏，然后把你的脫毛膏換成生發(fā)液.還始終在你背后與你的現(xiàn)任情人幽會(huì)，用你的維薩信用卡支付他們的酒店浪漫費(fèi)用。

　　它會(huì)色誘你的祖母，不管她在不在人世。這些都顯示了此郵件的影響力，它就是這樣毀掉了墳?zāi)箖?nèi)外所有美好的事。

　　這個(gè)郵件會(huì)使你患上荷蘭榆樹病，它會(huì)讓你的屁股永遠(yuǎn)放不到馬桶座墊上，還會(huì)把電吹風(fēng)插在放滿水的浴缸旁邊的插座上，它會(huì)肆意篡改枕頭和床墊的禁止事項(xiàng)，把脫脂牛奶換成全脂牛奶。它躲在暗處，到處寫滿了它的危險(xiǎn)和可怕，不過，它呈現(xiàn)的淡紫色到是相當(dāng)有趣的。

　　關(guān)于較長的英語笑話：熱氣球

　　A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hourago, but I don't know where I am."

　　The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

　　"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

　　"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"

　　"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of you, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

　　The woman below responded, "You must be in management."

　　"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

　　"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"

　　一個(gè)男人在熱氣球上，發(fā)現(xiàn)自己迷失了方向。他下降高度，下方有一個(gè)婦女。他又下降了一點(diǎn)，大聲呼喊,"打擾下，你能幫個(gè)忙嗎，一個(gè)小時(shí)以前我答應(yīng)了一個(gè)朋友要和他見面，但現(xiàn)在我不知道我身處何地。”

　　婦女在下面回答，“你在一個(gè)熱氣球里，大約離地面三十英尺。你在北緯40-41度之間，西經(jīng)59-60度之間。”

　　“你必定是個(gè)工程設(shè)計(jì)師，”氣球上的男人說。

　　“我是，”女人回答。“你是怎么知道的?”

　　“是這樣，”氣球上的男人說“你告訴我的事在技術(shù)上都是正確的，但是我無法理解你的看法，事實(shí)是我依舊迷失。坦白說，到目前為止你沒幫上我多少。”

　　下面的婦女回應(yīng)道，“你一定是在管理部門工作。”

　　“我是，”氣球上的男人回答，“這你是怎么知道的?”

　　“是啊，”婦女說，“你總是不知道你在哪里，也不知道你要去哪里。你的上升，是由于大量的熱氣。你對別人許下的承諾，你不知道如何履行，而且你還期望在你下面的人會(huì)解決你的問題。事實(shí)就是在我們見面之前，我們都在完全相同的立場上，可現(xiàn)在，不知怎么地，卻成了我的錯(cuò)了。”